…no reason to live. This is perfect for you.
Another line from 500 Days of Summer which made me think of Ramona Falls.
I was fortunate enough to see Ramona Falls perform their second show ever at Café Du Nord. At the time that their debut CD came out I was about as deep in depression as I could get. And in the famous theme of misery loving company, I listened to it over and over. It’s a pretty dark CD over all but really good.
Ramona Falls – Going Once, Going Twice
A friend told me that she thought of me when she heard this song…and I really couldn’t argue with her. It definitely rang true for me. I’m still dealing with depression and the number one thing that has helped me is hearing from other people. Somehow that reminder that we are all dealing with the human condition helps. So to add to the conscious collective…
The one thing that keeps happening for me that I struggle with is this suicidal feeling. Even though I feel relatively better (than I did six months ago) I still get that feeling. I’m trying my best to accept that it’s just the depression and not “me”…or that it’s not necessarily a weighed and perfectly thought out idea.
At this point, I’m pretty sure I have no interest in leaving this mortal coil and it’s almost become a fascination. Like…what would it feel like to have a bullet break skin and bone. I know that sounds a bit morbid, but just as an experience I’m curious. I think that if I could be assured a full 100% recovery with no lasting problems, I would definitely want to experience it. And if I’m completely honest with myself I also look forward to the subsequent sympathy and attention of the people I love…but I can share my abandonment issues another time.
For now, I just need to think of these feelings like sinus pressure from a cold. It’s not me but just a symptom of something I’m dealing with. So please don’t forward my mail just yet. Oh, and my apologies to Brent Knopf (the guy who created Ramona Falls) but I can’t listen to that CD anymore. It’s just a bit too dark, but I will definitely come back to it at a later date. He seems like such a sweet guy too:
